What Actually Matters in Your 20s

Hey there,

I need to tell you something that might change how you see this entire decade.

Your 20s aren't what you think they are.

That perfectly filtered path you see others taking? The one where everyone seems to have it figured out by 23, career locked in by 25, whole life mapped out by 27?

It's a highlight reel. Not reality.

Behind those perfect Instagram posts, most people are experimenting, failing, starting over, and feeling exactly like you do right now—uncertain, confused, wondering if they're doing it wrong.

Here's the truth: they're not doing it wrong. Neither are you.

Because the thing nobody tells you about your 20s is that uncertainty isn't a bug. It's the whole point.

The Lie We're All Sold

We're fed this narrative that success in your 20s means checking certain boxes by specific ages.

Graduate by 22. Career by 23. Relationship by 25. House by 28. Kids by 30.

But I've talked with hundreds of people in their 30s and 40s about their 20s.

And when I ask "What do you wish you'd known?" nobody has ever said "I wish I'd had my life more figured out."

Instead, they wish they'd worried less. Experimented more.

Understood that the winding path is the path.

The greatest freedom of your 20s isn't having it all figured out. It's realizing nobody does.

And once you accept that, everything changes.

What Actually Matters

So if it's not about having the perfect plan or checking boxes on schedule, what does matter?

Here's what I've learned.

What I wish someone had told me. What actually compounds into a life you don't regret.

1. Building Self-Knowledge Over Following Paths

Your 20s are an identity laboratory.

No other decade gives you this much freedom to experiment with who you are and who you might become.

The goal isn't finding your "one true self." It's discovering the multiple versions of yourself that could exist.

Every new experience, relationship, or environment reveals different facets of who you are. And changing your mind isn't a character flaw—it's growth.

Instead of asking "What should I do with my life?" (which paralyzes you), ask "What can I try next?"

Maybe it's taking a class that connects you to creativity you didn't know you had. Or working in an industry that challenges your assumptions.

Or traveling somewhere that lets you reinvent yourself temporarily.

Each experiment gives you data about yourself. Not final answers, but valuable clues.

The person who tries 10 different paths gathers more useful self-knowledge than the one who stays on a single path out of fear.

Action: This week, try one thing you've been curious about but haven't because it doesn't fit your "plan." See what you learn about yourself.

2. Quality Relationships Over Impressive Networks

Here's a truth bomb: not all relationships deserve equal investment.

Your 20s are when you learn that relationship quality trumps quantity every single time.

In your teens, friendships formed through proximity—same school, same neighborhood. But your 20s introduce intentional connection.

You discover the difference between people who energize you and people who drain you.

Those who celebrate your growth and those who prefer you don't change.

Think of your relationships like a portfolio. Some are high maintenance with low returns.

Others require minimal maintenance but yield incredible dividends of support and growth.

That friend who always makes you feel better after talking? Investment.

That group that leaves you emotionally exhausted? Divestment.

Your energy and time are finite.

Allocate them to relationships that help both parties become better versions of themselves.

The courage to outgrow relationships that no longer serve you creates space for connections that will sustain you through life's challenges.

Action: Identify one relationship that drains you and one that energizes you. Spend less time with the first, more with the second.

3. Learning How to Learn Over Accumulating Credentials

Your formal education may have ended, but your real education is just beginning.

The most valuable skill you can develop in your 20s isn't any specific expertise. It's learning how to learn.

In a world changing at unprecedented speed, the ability to continuously learn, unlearn, and relearn is your greatest advantage.

Your 20s are when you transition from compulsory learning to self-directed learning—where curiosity, not curriculum, guides you.

Reading widely outside your field. Taking online courses in areas that intrigue you. Learning through podcasts. These aren't hobbies—they're investments in your cognitive infrastructure.

Deliberately seek knowledge that challenges your assumptions rather than confirming what you already believe.

The humility to say "I don't know, but I can find out" is more valuable than confidently spouting outdated information.

Action: Pick one topic you know nothing about but are curious about. Spend 30 minutes this week learning about it. Notice how it feels.

4. Small Daily Habits Over Occasional Big Efforts

The most powerful force shaping your life isn't luck or talent. It's the compound effect of your daily habits.

Your 20s are when these patterns get encoded into your operating system.

Small, consistent actions may seem insignificant now, but they create dramatic results over time.

Reading 20 pages daily compounds to over 7,300 pages yearly—about 25 books.

A daily 30-minute walk compounds to 182 hours of movement yearly.

Writing 500 words daily compounds to 182,500 words yearly—two full books.

The compound effect works because consistency over time creates exponential results, not linear ones.

What matters isn't occasional heroic efforts. It's the unglamorous daily disciplines that compound into remarkable results.

The habits you normalize now will likely be with you for decades. Choose them intentionally.

Action: Pick one small daily habit that aligns with who you want to become. Do it for 7 days straight. Just 7. See what happens.

5. Building Courage Over Staying Comfortable

The most transformative moments of your 20s won't come from comfort. They'll come from courage.

And courage isn't the absence of fear. It's action in the presence of fear.

Each time you step outside your comfort zone—socially, professionally, personally—you expand your capacity for growth.

Courage isn't just for big life decisions. It's equally valuable in daily moments of truth.

Speaking up when it would be easier to stay silent. Trying something new when failure is possible. Being vulnerable when armor feels safer.

These small acts of bravery compound into a life defined by conscious choice rather than avoidance.

Research shows that confidence doesn't precede action—it follows it. You build courage by doing courageous things, not by waiting until you feel brave enough.

The regrets people report later in life aren't about failures. They're about chances never taken.

Action: Do one thing this week that scares you a little. Not recklessly. Just slightly outside your comfort zone. Notice how you feel after.

What Changes When You Focus on What Actually Matters

Here's what happens when you stop chasing the perfect plan and start focusing on these things:

You stop comparing yourself to everyone else's timeline.

You realize your path is yours alone.

You stop feeling behind.

You recognize you're exactly where you need to be.

You stop waiting for permission. You give yourself permission to experiment, fail, and try again.

You stop living for some future version of yourself. You start living now.

Your 20s aren't the final performance.

They're the dress rehearsal where mistakes are expected and valuable.

The difference between those who thrive in their 20s and those who merely survive isn't having perfect plans.

It's embracing the uncertainty. Experimenting. Learning. Building courage. Investing in what compounds.

The Truth About Your 20s

You don't need to have it all figured out.

You don't need to follow someone else's timeline.

You don't need to check boxes on schedule.

What you need is to focus on what actually matters:

Building self-knowledge through experimentation. Investing in quality relationships. Learning how to learn. Establishing daily habits that compound. Building courage through action.

Do those things, and everything else will follow.

Not according to some predetermined schedule. But in a way that's authentic to you.

TAKEAWAYS:

Your 20s aren't about having it figured out—nobody does

Self-knowledge through experimentation matters more than following prescribed paths

Quality relationships trump quantity—invest in people who energize you

Learning how to learn is more valuable than any specific credential

Small daily habits compound into extraordinary results over time

Courage is built through action, not by waiting to feel brave

The winding path is the path—embrace uncertainty instead of fighting it

P.S. If you're building something in your 20s and want the system I used to grow Elevenstoic from zero to

1.1M, everything's in Cinematic Studio. But honestly? Even without it—just start experimenting. Your 20s are for trying things, not perfecting them.

Just one life,

Richard
Founder, Elevenstoic