How to Make People Like You (Without Being Fake)

Most advice about making people like you is terrible.

"Just be yourself." "Smile more." "Ask questions about them."

This surface-level guidance misses the deeper psychology of human connection. After studying charismatic people and testing these principles myself, I've discovered the real secrets aren't what you'd expect.

Here's what actually makes people drawn to you:

1. Make Them Feel Heard (Not Just Listened To)

There's a crucial difference between listening and making someone feel heard.

Listening is passive. Making someone feel heard is active validation of their thoughts and emotions.

Most people desperately want to feel understood but rarely experience it. When you provide this, you become instantly memorable.

Action Step: In your next conversation, after someone shares something important, respond with: "It sounds like [summarize their feeling/situation]. That must be [acknowledge the emotion]." Watch how their energy shifts toward you.

2. Share Strategic Vulnerability

People don't connect with perfection—they connect with authentic struggle and growth.

But this isn't about oversharing or dumping problems. It's about strategic vulnerability: sharing challenges you've overcome that relate to the current conversation.

This creates two powerful effects: relatability and inspiration.

Action Step: Prepare 2-3 brief stories about challenges you've faced and overcome. Use them when others share similar struggles. The key is showing growth, not just struggle.

3. Give People Permission to Be Themselves

Most people are performing a version of themselves they think others want to see. When you give them permission to drop the act, instant connection happens.

You do this by being genuinely curious about their authentic thoughts, not their "acceptable" opinions.

Action Step: Instead of asking "How are you?" try "What's been on your mind lately?" or "What's challenging you right now?" These questions invite real responses instead of automatic replies.

4. Remember the Details That Matter

People are impressed when you remember what's important to them—not just their name, but their concerns, goals, and what they care about.

This isn't about having a perfect memory. It's about paying attention to what matters to them and following up on it.

Action Step: After meaningful conversations, write down one important detail about what that person is working on or worried about. Reference it the next time you see them.

5. Be Genuinely Happy for Their Success

Most people feel threatened by others' success, even when they try to hide it. When you can genuinely celebrate someone else's wins without comparison or jealousy, you stand out immediately.

This requires real internal work on your own security and abundance mindset.

Action Step: Practice celebrating others' success with the same energy you'd want for your own wins. Notice any jealousy that arises and work through it privately.

The One-Week Challenge

For the next seven days, focus on just one of these techniques per day:

• Monday: Make someone feel truly heard

• Tuesday: Share strategic vulnerability

• Wednesday: Give someone permission to be authentic

• Thursday: Remember and reference important details

• Friday: Genuinely celebrate someone's success

Notice how differently people respond to you when you implement these approaches consistently.

Remember: Authentic connection isn't about manipulation or technique—it's about genuinely caring about others' experience while being secure in your own worth.

Just one life,

Richard Founder, Elevenstoic

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