How to Gain REAL Friends

Have you ever thought, “Are my friends actually good for me?” I’ve been there, surrounded by people who seemed like friends but never really had my back. It took me years to understand how much the people around you shape your life, your energy, your mindset and especially your future.

The truth is, real friends lift you up. They’re there in your worst moments, cheering you on and keeping you grounded. Fake friends? They drain your energy, sow doubt, and disappear when things get tough. If you’ve ever felt stuck, ask yourself: Is it because of who I’m surrounding myself with?

Let me share a quick story.

My Turning Point

A few years ago, I was in a rough place. I had a group of friends I thought I could count on, but when I started chasing my goals, started to create content I noticed something. They didn’t support me. Instead, they made sarcastic comments or ignored my wins altogether.

At first, I brushed it off. But over time, I realized their negativity was holding me back. They didn’t want me to grow because it made them uncomfortable. Letting go of those friendships was hard, but once I did, I felt lighter, freer, and more focused than ever.

That’s when I found my real friends. People who genuinely wanted to see me win. People who challenged me to grow and stood by me even when life got messy.

How to Find Real Friends

If you want to build a life you’re proud of, you need the right people by your side. Here’s how you can start finding real friends and cutting out the fake ones:

1. Evaluate Your Current Circle
   Take a hard look at the people you spend the most time with. Do they support you, or do they tear you down? Do you feel energized after being with them, or do you feel drained? Be honest. Sometimes, the people we’ve known the longest aren’t the ones who truly have our best interests at heart.

   Action Step: Write down the names of your five closest friends. Next to each name, write one word that describes how they make you feel. This will give you clarity on who’s adding value to your life and who might be holding you back.

2. Set Boundaries with Fake Friends
   Cutting ties isn’t easy, but you don’t have to make it dramatic. Start by setting boundaries. Spend less time with people who drain you and focus on nurturing the friendships that bring you joy. Remember, you don’t owe anyone your energy.

   Action Step: Start saying “no” to plans or conversations that don’t serve you. Use that time to invest in yourself or in relationships that truly matter.

3. Seek Out Like-Minded People
   Real friends often come from shared values and interests. Join communities, attend events, or take up a hobby that excites you. The right people will naturally gravitate toward you when you’re living authentically.

   Action Step: Pick one new activity this month that puts you around like-minded people. Whether it’s joining a local group, attending a workshop, or even participating in an online community, put yourself out there.

4. Be the Kind of Friend You Want to Have
   Friendship is a two-way street. If you want loyal, supportive, and uplifting friends, you need to be that person first. Show up for others, listen without judgment, and celebrate their wins as if they were your own.

   Action Step: Reach out to one friend today and let them know you appreciate them. A simple, heartfelt message can strengthen your bond and remind them why you’re in their corner.

   

TAKEAWAYS:

• Real friends make you better. Fake friends hold you back.

• Evaluate your circle and let go of relationships that drain you.

• Seek like-minded people who align with your values.

• Be the kind of friend you want in your life.

If you have ideas for upcoming episodes, just reply to this email and let us know!

See you on Monday ;)

Your Better Self.

Richard, Founder of Elevenstoic & Lussiety